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Yeah That's Right, It's Plaid and Strappy
Below is just me rambling on...I tend to do that, but when no one is here to say ,"hey Nurse...your rambling" it just happens...so uh..bear with me here...

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September 17, 2003
11:19am
musak: Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don’t miss you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven’t missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
Only when I stop to think
About you, I know
Only when you stop to think
About me, do you know
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me
I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
September 16, 2003
2:31am
musak:Polaris - Waiting for October
i made a decision about an hour ago that i'm going to start taking care of myself. or at least pretend to....after half an hour of critisizing my naked self in the mirror, this odd thought popped into my head,"i can change that". it was like, whoa...where the fuck did you come from? weird. maybe if i start to be able to look at myself differently, i'll feel different. this will probably be a failed attempt, like it always is, but it can't hurt to try, right? i'm a bitch to myself....i really am. more than you know. more than any of you know. shit man, more than i know. i've been remembering alot lately. nothing in particular, just little memories of my life that seem to have slipped away among the chaos. the funny thing is, none of them are good. they all hurt..alot. most of them end with, 'if you could tell this person who has hurt you something.... what would you tell them?' so here are some answers:
*samantha: self-injury has become my life, what were we thinking? would i still have the problem if we had never tried it?
*phil: you sadistic fuck
*christian: i really wish you were still in my life, but i was to young to realize everything. your still to young to realize.....life treats you better when you become a grown up adult, i promise
*yossi: i pity you, you have to live the rest of your life knowing that you're a piece of shit
*kameron: i know that you love me...but isnt there a time when you need to let things go? we were never good for each other, no matter how many times they put your life in my hands
*nick: why didn't you call?
*tanya: is there any way i could have known? i love you...i hope you found what you were looking for
*daniel: manwhore....dont touch me
*val: wake up and smell the stench of life dearest....it will all come back at you...its called karma
*margaux: *attention whore*
*maryanne: stop following people, there's a you inside that wants to stop being manipulated
*mom: i'm sorry
*kim and dj: life is not about jesus or boys or makeup or horses
*adam: no...
*joel: if you loved me maybe i could love myself. no one should have to call their father by their first name because of the lack of meaning to the word 'parent'
*mrs. leedoll: you have no clue who i am, but you dont yell at or grab a kindergardener because they can't color in the lines
*rabbi kornfeld and family: don't marry two people who you know arent going to work out....thanks for letting us live in your garage..and, just so you know,usually when someone close to you is in a mental institution.... you call....just common curtesy
*linda: don't take your anger out on your students. they're there to learn to ride a horse, not be an emotional pinyata
*ilana: make something of yourself
*john burroughs high school: yes, i am living in long beach with a 23 year old crackhead or yes, i'm committed suicide
September 15, 2003 
2:34am
musak:Josh Wink - Are You There?
so this is my life yo...typing typing typing typing...what a waste of time...cant make too much noise for fear of being heard, but the last thing i want is to be alone. i find comfort in my big sweatshirt....its almost like a big tortise shell of cotton. it has a hood and everything. its funny.....i dont know what to say anymore.i feel like its all been said before....so why say it again? fuck emotions, its all about simplicity! right? damnit...somebody answer me.....i'm tired of trying to answer my own questions. its lame i say....lame. and i'm not one who usually enjoys lame things. oh wait...thats a lie. EVERYTHING i like is lame, except for my boyfriend, so i guess that makes me lame. but you arent what you like -  or are you? ARE YOU WHAT YOU DO? does that make you a person? and if you werent a person what would you be? a spider? a monster? a school teacher? no....no.....maybe what you would be....is....free.......but who wants freedom in a land of captivity? being the only one who is free cant be any fun, it must get lonley with your head up in the clouds.eventually you would have to come down...and by then times will have changed. the trees will swallow you so they can sustain fullness....and the sky....the sky....will wrap around your every cell and ameoba, and take you far away to exactly where you are.and if your lucky on that starless night, you'll be able to walk forward thru the backdoor of your mind.